Politics and Pamphlets…

As I walk to class in the afternoon there is something sticking to the sidewalks on campus. No, it’s not the gum that some girl spit out from lack of flavor. It’s the people that are trying to get my vote. Yes, they wave fliers and pamphlets. They shove them towards me as I am trying to cruise by and talk to my buddies before class.

The problem here doesn’t lie with politics. If you are interested in that particular issue, you should stop to discover some facts. On the other hand, if you are just chillin’ trying to get some ear time with the girl you just met on the way out of class, the last thing you are looking for is a butt-inski. The next thing that happens is they blab about a really sensitive issue. I don’t have to tell you that the first time you meet someone, isn’t the time to elaborate on the inner workings of the old gray matter.

Enough of my rant though. I’m here to offer some methods to have these pamphlet pushers step aside.

Method 1: The Cell Phone

Approach: Anytime you enter a large common area, automatically pull out your cell phone out and pretend to have a conversation while quickly walking.

Result: Use this method with caution. The trick to having this work is always walking, if you stand still they will wait for you to get off the phone then approach you. Although you are not able to stay in the common area this is a great one for passing through.

Method 2: No Napkins

Approach: So you’re at a common eating area and there are some people circulating with political info. Before you sit down with your meal don’t forget to forget the napkins. This method works best with messy sandwiches. It is effective with spaghetti, but more effective without silverware.

Result: As the person approaches, don’t forget to make eye contact and smile big. It is important to not drop you food until the person is standing next to you. Then smile, say “Nice to meet you,” and extend that sticky paw. Don’t forget guys…no wiping on pants. When the person refuses to shake you hand, act very offended and ask them to leave.

Method 3: Skipping

Approach: This method is particularly effective in many different environments. When you sense you are in a political battleground, start skipping uncontrollably. Whether or not you decide to hum or sing loudly is up to you. If you decide to sing, I hear that Ears Hang Low song is popular again.

Result: I must admit that this method works best for men. When was the last time you saw a grown man skipping for a long period of time. The women should be just as successful using this. It goes back to the first method. If you don’t stay still they can’t catch you.

Best of luck on all of your fall endeavors, Dionysus.