An Undercover Summer

Hello friends, Hera here! I know I haven’t been very good about keeping in touch with some of you recently, but I have just been SWAMPED! Summer ’06 went by far too quickly, I hardly had any time to study the Bylaws and Standing Rules of my sorority (and you KNOW I am going to be elected President in December- need to start brushing up as much as I can!)

Most of the summer was wonderful- I was a bridesmaid in two of my sorority sisters’ weddings, and became Godmother to my brand new niece! Both the ceremonies and the baby were BEAUTIFUL- so those events made my summer wonderful all on their own. Oh, I just adore weddings and babies…. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not some flighty little girl here on an academic scholarship just to get my MRS degree! My own weddings and babies are far in the future- so I try to wiggle my way into as many of my friends’ celebrations as possible. That’s me- always a bridesmaid, never the bride- for now, at least!

In fact, I have a hard enough time getting my Zeus to settle down, let alone pop the question… which leads me into the real focus of my summer. So here’s the scoop. It’s mid-May, and Zeus and I are in the middle of a nice little Saturday- the grocery store, Home Depot, we even had time to swing by Bed Bath and Beyond. So we’re looking at curtains when all of a sudden he springs it on me. Mexico. He wants to ride his little crotch rocket to Mexico this summer WITHOUT me. For THREE months. I was FUMING. But, hey, I’m a good girlfriend. “Fine!” I tell him. “You go to Mexico, soak up the culture!” Museums and historical areas, he tells me. Like I’d believe that for one second.

So, I go home and rummage through my collection of espionage equipment. What? You never know when a mini-cam or a wire tap will come in handy in the corporate world! Armed with the super-atomic SpyCam/Mic 3500 and solar pack, I head over to Zeus’s place to give him a goodbye he wouldn’t soon forget… and plant the 3500 in his beard. The big oaf never notices anything in that bird’s nest. You know, if no one else is going to protect the sanctity of my relationship, I’ll do it myself.

And what do you know? Sure enough, after three weeks of patiently waiting and watching cacti and tumbleweeds roll by, There. She. Is. Some big, blonde, busty, trampy thing just hanging all over him! Oh, that was it. I caught the next plane down and was fully prepared to ream them both. A little jet-lagged and a lot irate, I catch up with him in some stanky little town, lying in a field. “Where IS she?” I screamed. Seeing nothing in the field other than a rather surprised looking white cow. He acted stupid and told me that he didn’t know what I was talking about. When I called him on what I had seen, he got all sheepish and started sniveling, like always. “Hera, baby” he pleaded. “What can I do to make it up to you?” So I pulled a Veruca Salt. “I want that white cow. And I want it now!” Hmm… I still wonder why he looked so horrified. It was a very pretty cow!